Thanks Gina. I am flattered.
Blog Contest Winner…Marion Brownlie
Posted on August 17, 2013 by Gina Quarles
The official winner of Gina Quarles Blog Contest has been chosen!!!!
As I read this post, it resonated with me in such a way that hit a cord that lives very deep inside of me.
Being a woman and having children and a thirteen year marriage end, I could relate to Marion’s story. I know many others that have endured an unhappy marriage and the agony that comes with it. Please read on how Marion found herself and much hope to carry on to lead her to where she is today.
Sometimes when all that surrounds us appears to be the end, it shows up and presents us with some things we never noticed or looked for before. The pain or suffering from many situations can sometimes be found as gifts that went previously unknown.
Never stop seeking…there is so much to all of our lives. Each of them being unique and revealing gifts that were meant to be shared. Please read Marion Brownlie’s wonderful story below and be sure to visit her website:www.marionbrownlie.com
The Instant my Life was Transformed
Excerpt Facing Demons by Marion Brownlie
I had hit rock bottom. No fight left. All will to live gone. The next
step was to end it all.
“Who am I? I’m nothing, no good to anyone. My boys will be
better off without me. Their father can do what he likes with them
without me around. The constant bickering between us is affecting
them. Better for him to bring them up alone than to have the two of us destroying
each other, and them. I have no resistance left anyway. I’m just a burden on them
all, a thorn in their sides that they can do without.” I ask myself why it is so cold
and lonely in here?”
I am beyond rational thought. Getting to this point in my life was a gradual
process. I had tried being a workaholic, hitting the alcohol and smoking marijuana.
I’d partied, played and worked till I dropped, in an effort to escape the reality of
our orchard going bankrupt and a marriage that wasn’t working. My whole life was
on a downhill treadmill. Now my self-loathing grew like a tumour inside me. The
tunnel grew darker and darker.
“There is not going to be enough money to feed the family. What am I to do? My
mouth certainly doesn’t help, easier for them by far if it didn’t have to be fed, let
alone listened to. I wish I could stop crying. I seem to be crying all the time now.
That’s good, the brain is
going numb, I can’t think anymore. I’ll just watch and see if anyone notices that
I’m not really here anyway. I don’t really think so, they seem to be getting on fine
without me already. They don’t even seem to notice that I’m not here now. I’ll just
let that numb feeling stay. Don’t have to think when it’s there. It’s like being in a
thick mist, fog all around me, no more thoughts, no more pain, just the numbing
fog. That’s it, I’m gone and not coming back.”
My next moment of conscious thought was when I found myself standing in the
middle of the orchard, “Oh wow! What’s happening to me?”
A light streamed from the heavens, soft, beautiful, radiant, glowing and golden,
surrounding and filling every essence of myself. A feeling of oneness with All That
Is, and pure gentle love flooding through me, touching everything. A feeling of
understanding beyond words of total love and compassion, such as I would never
have believed possible.
“What’s that? Did I hear something? Where’s it coming from? It seems as though
it is inside me. Yes it is.” It was saying:
I looked down into myself. Oh God, there is something inside me after all.
Something amazing that hadn’t been there before. It is glowing strong and vibrant
full of the essence of Christ consciousness and ‘the light.’
“You mean there is a purpose for my being here?”
Visions flashed through my mind. I became aware of many things. The world
changed for me. A whole new awareness was mine. Now I understood so many
things that had been hidden to me before. I was put in touch with myself and the
love and light within, an inner strength and knowing. I wasn’t alone anymore; I
knew God was with me.
“Is that the birds I can hear singing? I can’t remember when I was last aware of a
bird singing. Look at that leaf falling, the grace of it and the reflecting sun painting
it beautiful gold, yellows and oranges. It’s been so long since I have seen and heard
these things, perhaps never.” I thought the world seemed so beautiful as I looked at
my new world in awe.
I stood transfixed. So much that had never made sense to me now did. It had been
a long and painful journey that had brought me to this point but now I felt my life
was transformed. I knew beyond a doubt there was a Great Spirit or God, a light
energy of total love often called The Source. I danced for joy and for life and gave
thanks to God. Suddenly now life was very precious to me.
© Marion Brownlie